Now that I’m a parent, I can’t help but thinking about how my parents raised me and how I’m planning on raising my son.  There are certain things that we wished our parents would have done or not done to us.  My goal is to look back on how we were raised, apply all the good things to my son and leave out the bad ones.

Here are the things I dislike about the way my parents raised me:

I wished my parents didn’t force me to do things I dislike

I went through five years of hell on taking piano lesson.  I’m not talented.  I don’t like playing piano.  I took the lesson because my parents wanted me to.  Their dream was to have their daughter becoming a piano teacher so that she can work from home.  I think parents tend to force what they want their children to become and forget what their children actually want or need. I wished my parents put me in a ballet lesson. I also struggled a little bit in math back in grade school. I wished they signed me up for extra course or something to help me studying. Lesson learned: I’m going to introduce my son to any possibilities he can have, soccer, karate, or even dancing, and let him choose what he’s best at and enjoy the most.

I wished my dad was around more
My mom stayed at home and my dad worked a lot. I remember growing up my brothers and I had to be quiet while we were playing when dad got home because he had to take a nap. It got better once we got older, but it was too late. My brothers and I didn’t really know how to communicate with dad. Even though I know I’m daddy’s favorite, I still don’t feel emotionally connected with him. Lesson learned: children grow up too fast and you can never go back to the past. What children want is just simple; they just want you to be around.

I wished my dad didn’t treat me and my brothers as employees
It’s his way or no way. My dad owned a construction company for commercial properties. He built apartment complex, subdivisions, and retail properties. He’s the boss, a decision maker and he applied that at home too. We never had a voice. We weren’t given a chance to raise our opinion as disagreement means trouble. Each kid reacts to this type of behavior in different way. I become indecisive and my brother becomes rebellious.

I wished my parents taught us to be humble
I was raised in a family where looking rich is a way to be respected by the society. Designer clothing and accessories, luxury cars, big house are the sign someone is successful. I remember when my mom had a high school reunion, dad told her to drive our nice car. My hubby would never do that. Once I got married and got to know my husband’s family, I saw a different kind of living that I had never seen before. My in laws are my true inspiration on how to become humble. They don’t have a luxury car. They don’t live in a mansion. But they are financially secured. My parents lost everything but the house during the Asian Economic Crisis back in late 90’s. Although they are not in debt, God forbids anything happens they will have to sell their house. Lesson learned: You can never judge a book by its cover.

The things I appreciate from my parents:

Open communication is the key to healthy relationship.
Whenever we had problems, my parents always encouraged us to talk about it. My mom never gets upset for no reason. She always tells me everything. If we have a problem, we can also come to them and talk about it. A lot of times the conversation went back to “When I was your age”, but we know our parents always give the best solution we always need and never have to handle the situation ourselves. Dinner time is when we talked about what was going on throughout the day. Sometimes we gathered in our parents’ bedroom and just talking.

A loving family never fights in front of the children
I grew up in a loving family. Hey, my parents have been married for 35 years and they’re still together. I’ve seen my parents arguing, but not fighting, yelling or even worse cussing. Hubby and I argued a lot, who doesn’t? But so far hubby and I are pretty good in managing ourselves not to fight in front of our son.

Exploring the world through food and travel
My dad loves trying all kind of food. Growing up I’ve had all kind of Asian, American and European cuisine. We didn’t have African or Mexican cuisine in Indonesia back in the days. If we did have, we probably would have tried it. My parents always told us to try different kind of food. Don’t like it? Don’t eat it. Now I can’t stand picky eater.

We grew up in a modest home for years, and then we moved to a bigger house in my senior year in high school. Prior to moving, I have traveled about 17 countries in Western Europe at the age of 13, and probably about 10 states in the US at the age of 15. For my seventeenth birthday present, I went to Australia and New Zealand as a part of exchange students. You have no idea how much you learn through traveling. Here people tend to spend money on a big house. For us big house equals a lot of maintenance. I’m glad both hubby and I love traveling, and we’re planning on introducing the world to our son through travels.

Regardless of how my parents raised me, in the end I know they did the best they could. Even though they never said anything, I know they are proud of how I turned out to be. :)

Tags: being a parent, raising family

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