Now that I’m a parent, I can’t help but thinking about how my parents raised me and how I’m planning on raising my son.  There are certain things that we wished our parents would have done or not done to us.  My goal is to look back on how we were raised, apply all the good things to my son and leave out the bad ones.

Here are the things I dislike about the way my parents raised me:

I wished my parents didn’t force me to do things I dislike

I went through five years of hell on taking piano lesson.  I’m not talented.  I don’t like playing piano.  I took the lesson because my parents wanted me to.  Their dream was to have their daughter becoming a piano teacher so that she can work from home.  I think parents tend to force what they want their children to become and forget what their children actually want or need. I wished my parents put me in a ballet lesson. I also struggled a little bit in math back in grade school. I wished they signed me up for extra course or something to help me studying. Lesson learned: I’m going to introduce my son to any possibilities he can have, soccer, karate, or even dancing, and let him choose what he’s best at and enjoy the most.

I wished my dad was around more
My mom stayed at home and my dad worked a lot. I remember growing up my brothers and I had to be quiet while we were playing when dad got home because he had to take a nap. It got better once we got older, but it was too late. My brothers and I didn’t really know how to communicate with dad. Even though I know I’m daddy’s favorite, I still don’t feel emotionally connected with him. Lesson learned: children grow up too fast and you can never go back to the past. What children want is just simple; they just want you to be around.

I wished my dad didn’t treat me and my brothers as employees
It’s his way or no way. My dad owned a construction company for commercial properties. He built apartment complex, subdivisions, and retail properties. He’s the boss, a decision maker and he applied that at home too. We never had a voice. We weren’t given a chance to raise our opinion as disagreement means trouble. Each kid reacts to this type of behavior in different way. I become indecisive and my brother becomes rebellious.

I wished my parents taught us to be humble
I was raised in a family where looking rich is a way to be respected by the society. Designer clothing and accessories, luxury cars, big house are the sign someone is successful. I remember when my mom had a high school reunion, dad told her to drive our nice car. My hubby would never do that. Once I got married and got to know my husband’s family, I saw a different kind of living that I had never seen before. My in laws are my true inspiration on how to become humble. They don’t have a luxury car. They don’t live in a mansion. But they are financially secured. My parents lost everything but the house during the Asian Economic Crisis back in late 90’s. Although they are not in debt, God forbids anything happens they will have to sell their house. Lesson learned: You can never judge a book by its cover.

The things I appreciate from my parents:

Open communication is the key to healthy relationship.
Whenever we had problems, my parents always encouraged us to talk about it. My mom never gets upset for no reason. She always tells me everything. If we have a problem, we can also come to them and talk about it. A lot of times the conversation went back to “When I was your age”, but we know our parents always give the best solution we always need and never have to handle the situation ourselves. Dinner time is when we talked about what was going on throughout the day. Sometimes we gathered in our parents’ bedroom and just talking.

A loving family never fights in front of the children
I grew up in a loving family. Hey, my parents have been married for 35 years and they’re still together. I’ve seen my parents arguing, but not fighting, yelling or even worse cussing. Hubby and I argued a lot, who doesn’t? But so far hubby and I are pretty good in managing ourselves not to fight in front of our son.

Exploring the world through food and travel
My dad loves trying all kind of food. Growing up I’ve had all kind of Asian, American and European cuisine. We didn’t have African or Mexican cuisine in Indonesia back in the days. If we did have, we probably would have tried it. My parents always told us to try different kind of food. Don’t like it? Don’t eat it. Now I can’t stand picky eater.

We grew up in a modest home for years, and then we moved to a bigger house in my senior year in high school. Prior to moving, I have traveled about 17 countries in Western Europe at the age of 13, and probably about 10 states in the US at the age of 15. For my seventeenth birthday present, I went to Australia and New Zealand as a part of exchange students. You have no idea how much you learn through traveling. Here people tend to spend money on a big house. For us big house equals a lot of maintenance. I’m glad both hubby and I love traveling, and we’re planning on introducing the world to our son through travels.

Regardless of how my parents raised me, in the end I know they did the best they could. Even though they never said anything, I know they are proud of how I turned out to be. :)

A high school friend of mine decided to change career by going back to school full time and get a degree in psychology. I chatted with her last night and she told me she’s studying hypnotherapy. Being curious I asked her what can she hypnotized me into? Can I be hypnotized to get more memory in my brain? She chuckled and said she can try. Our conversation was ended and I had a list of things that I wished for and hoped it can be cured through hypnotherapy.

Hypnotherapy for overeating
I would love to be hypnotized so I don’t crave for junk food. Wouldn’t it be cool if I lose weight through hypnotherapy?

A Better Communicator and listener
I was wondering if hypnotherapy can cure someone to be a better communicator and listener. I googled it and found out that the benefits of hypnosis are to overcome phobias, sleep disorders, depression, stress, post trauma anxiety, grief, and habits such as smoking, overeating, biting your nails, etc (http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/mental-health-hypnotherapy). So it doesn’t sound like it can be used to change your personality.

Expand My Memory Capacity
Being a parent and over 30 years old does give a temporary memory loss. Everyday there are so much going on I have to do or think about, I’m having a problem remembering things. This really annoys me. I could run downstairs and all the sudden forget what I was about to do. I wish hypnosis can help me with my memory. One can only wish!

Anyway, I told my friend I will contact her when I’m in town and see what type of hypnotherapy she can do to me.

Growing up we’ve always heard our parents telling us not to do something because there are some consequences of those actions, aka old wives tales.  Don’t we love them?  I made a list of the old wives tales that my mom used to tell me that are completely false.  Some of them are just plain funny and some I will use it to my son.

1. When eating orange, don’t eat the seed because it will grow on your head.  I really have no comment on this.  She could have said not to eat the seed or I might get choked and it would’ve made a little more sense.
2. Swimming and eating vegetable makes you taller.  The truth is your height is determined solely by your genetic.  If you’re 5′ 1″ tall and your husband is 5′ 6″ chances are your kids will likely be short.  If the mother is short and the father is tall, your kids can be a mix of both.  My dad is 5′ 9″, my mom is 4′ 11″, my older brother is 6′ 1″, younger brother is 5′ 9″ and I’m a 4′ 11″.  Certain activities like swimming and eating a good nutrition food do help boosting your height, but only to a small percentage.  The funny thing, I found out about this when I took biology class in college.  Clearly eating vegetable didn’t help me at all.
3. Carrot is good for your eyesight.  I found out about the truth while reading yahoo news.  Sure carrot does have vitamin A that is good for your eye.  However you have to eat plenty of carrots that turn your skin orange in order to get the benefit of it.  Some people like me were born to wear glasses.  It’s called astigmatism. 
4. Don’t swallow gum, it takes seven years to pass through your digestive system.  Totally false, but swallowing gum is nasty anyway.
5. Eating chocolate causes acne.
6. Reading in a dim light and watching tv too close cause a bad eyesight.  Reading in a dim light and watching tv too close don’t harm your eyesight, although it does cause eyes to be fatique.

I know for sure that I will be using the “eating vegetables will make you taller” myth on my son to get him eating vegetables.  Anyone else want to share your old wives tales?

There are a couple events that kids might enjoy, both are held this Saturday January 30, 2010.

Kidzapalooza
Enjoy kids friendly event at the Veterans Memorial. Attractions include Luke the juggler, magician, inflatable house, puppet show rides, and many more. There are Babyland and Toddlerland for the little ones too. Tickets are $5 at the door or $3 at all Meijer location. Kids 2 and under are free. Hours: 10am - 5pm. For more information, visit their website at www.fcvm.com

Cabin Fever Reliever at Westerville Community Center
Parents and children under the age of 6 are invited to have fun at Westerville Community Center from 6:30 to 8pm. Enjoy some entertainment, crafts and activities. Ticket is $3 per child and free for adult. Westerville Community Center is located at 350 N. Cleveland Ave. For more information, please call 614-901-6500.

For the past few months I was juggling whether I should move my son to a different daycare once he starts preschool this Fall.  My son has been going to the Gathering Place ever since he was 14 months old, and currently in its 2 year old program.  The Gathering Place is a Christian based daycare center, whose program starts from as early as 6 weeks old through Pre-K.  They also have before and after school program.  I don’t have a huge problem with the center right now, but based on the review I got from other moms, the preschool program is still more like a daycare instead of a school.  In other words, some moms prefer a more a structured curriculum for their preschooler.  I do feel that they’re lacking of creativity when it comes to arts and crafts that my son brought from home.  I think he did too much coloring and would be nice if he brings home more crafty projects.

Two weeks ago on Martin Luther King day, my husband and I had a day off.  We took this as an opportunity to visit Hugs ‘n Hearts and compare to the Gathering Place.  I have two friends whose kids go to this daycare, and they can’t say enough good things about Hugs ‘n Hearts.

Hugs ‘n Hearts is a secular based daycare center providing care for children 18 months old through kindergarten, including before and after school program for school aged children.  Both Hugs ‘n Hearts and the Gathering Place are privately owned and located in Polaris area, tuition is pretty much the same and both are pretty reputable daycare.  After visiting the facility, I decided to list and weigh the pros and cons of Hugs ‘n Hearts to help me making my decision.

Pros:

Older teachers and stable staff turnover.
It seems like working in Hugs ‘n Hearts is their retirement job, thus the staffs turnover are more stable, whereas the teachers in the Gathering Place are younger.  We just had a major staffs turnover recently.  Some of them have babies and decided to be stay at home moms, some left for better opportunities.  Not only they are older, the teachers seem to be more friendly than the ones at the Gathering Place.  They are constantly giving updates verbally about your child during pick up time, whereas in the Gathering Place unless you ask they don’t tell you anything.  They notify you when something major happened, like when my son started hitting and pushing the younger kids (trust me, we’re working on this).

They offer Spanish and Computer for preschooler as a part of their program.
The computer program is actually just a toy laptop that they bring in to the classroom.  However, it’s good enough to practice your motor skills as well as making it more fun for the kids to learn letter, shapes and the likes.  In the Gathering Place, the basic education such as counting, recognizing letters, shapes are pretty structured and standard, but it depends on the teachers if they want to include foreign language as a part of the program.  My son can count in Spanish, something that I definitely didn’t teach him, but not all teachers will do that.

Assessment every six months
One thing I really like from Hugs ‘n Hearts and the reason I was considering of moving my son, is that they give assessment to each child every six months and the parent can schedule time with the teacher to review how well your child does in school.  The assessment covers shapes, colors, letters, and all the basic things they teach.

Cons:

Bring your own lunch
Hugs ‘n Hearts offers breakfast and two snacks, however breakfast will only be served up to 7:15 am. After that you will miss your breakfast.  I know for sure I will not be able to drop my son off that early, and as a busy mom I really don’t have time to pack my son’s lunch.  I understand lunches from most daycare center (including the Gathering Place) actually come from frozen and processed food.  A typical lunch at the Gathering Place are chicken nuggets, fish sticks, mac ‘n cheese, (all from frozen) with bread and mix veggies or green beans.  I just think that eating that food once a day is not going to kill my son, as long as we provide him with healthy meal at home.  I always serve everything in the food group (rice, meat, veggies, fruit and milk), stay away from deep fried food and stick with stir fry and baked ones.

TV three times a day
My biggest problem with Hugs ‘n Hearts is the fact that they turn on tv three times a day, which is in the morning during drop off, right before lunch, and in the evening during pick up.  My son is like a zombie when watching tv, thus he will not leave when I pick him up.  Right now in his daycare, the kids do free time right before mom or dad pick them up such as play with toys and read books.  In the summer, the kids play either at the outdoor or indoor playground.

Older teachers equals strick rules
One of my friend told me that her son’s teacher use a policy of no talking during lunch time.  This is a contrast of what we do at home.  Dinner is the time when we talk about what happen through out the day and I definitely do not like this quite moment.  The same friend also told me that his son got a warning from his teacher from using the word “butt” instead of bottom.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about raising a well-behaved and well-manner child, but giving a warning just because the child use the word “butt” is a bit overreacting.

They only offered 2 days tuition free vacation, whereas the Gathering Place offers 2 weeks
For people whose family is out of town or out of the country like ours, having two weeks tuition free vacation is a luxury.  On top of that, we love travelling and go out of town a lot.  This is something that is quite important to us.

A bit older facility, clutter classroom and pathetic indoor play area
The Gathering Place is without a doubt a much better facility.  The Gathering Place is a lot newer compare to Hugs ‘n Hearts.  I love their indoor play area.  They have a play stage with play dress up, a pretend “marketplace” with its pretend food, a big spiral indoor slide that can be closed up for the younger kids. When I first had my tour, I felt like I wanted to go back being a kid again seeing this playroom.  Hugs ‘n Hearts indoor play area is basically just a regular size room with a couple step 2 climber and a few toys.  Not impresive at all.

A secular center
Although we are Christians, I don’t consider our family as religious at all.  But I do like the fact that my son comes home and repeating a bible verse he learned that day.  I also like the fact that the Gathering Place has Christmas Pageant every Christmas starting from 2 year old group and older.  They are so cute singing on stage wearing Christmas outfit.  This experience will not happen in a secular center like Hugs ‘n Hearts where saying Merry Christmas is forbidden.

No infant program
Hugs ‘n Hearts only offers program starting from 18 months old and older. This will be a problem if we decide to have a second child, which means we have to drop them separately.

As you can see the cons outweigh the pros, which means I won’t move my son out of the Gathering Place.  I was willing to do extra miles packing his lunch and go a little bit out of the way in dropping or picking him up if Hugs ‘n Heats curriculum is much better than the Gathering Place. However after weighing the pros and cons, it’s just not worth it.